What is it that destroys a love connection? Over the past years of working with people to restore the relationships they have with themselves and others, I’ve realized that we lose that love connection unknowingly. It is a subtle cycle we may not be aware of.
It goes something like this: An event happens causing us heartfelt discomfort. Let’s say you get pulled over for not fully stopping at a stop sign. As the policeman is walking over to your car you begin to feel the sting of embarrassment. The depth of loss of pride and self respect rings loud and clear. You re-act by getting angry at the police officer for being unfair. You firmly believed he was wrong. You tried to convince him about this, but his point of view became a muddled distortion. You were steaming inside. Maybe you don’t literally throw eggs at the police car, but your confrontational words do. Or maybe you don’t even outwardly show anger, but you go home and take it out on yourself internally or the people you most care about.
Your pride and self-respect is disrupted. It could be a present moment event or it may have connected you to a past time when you felt helpless or humiliated. Either way, our internal equilibrium gets stirred. And we tend to demean ourselves and usually then, get mad at a person for the way we feel about our self.
So, how to shake this feeling? At that moment the good-feeling connection to ourselves and everyone around us is lost. We are caught up in a rush of uncomfortable feelings. How do we connect back to ‘the good-feeling stuff’?
Instead of pushing these uncomfortable feelings away or numbing them we can look at them with acknowledgement. These feelings of intensity are our innate quality-control system. I am in constant awe and gratitude for them. We know we are off balance when we are feeling distressed. So, we need to pause a bit, and be willing to acknowledge our responsibility in all this. Our thought stream is clogged with unsupportive thinking. And, we can remain in that state for as long as we don’t decide to change it. It can surely become a habit.
It’s amazing how our thoughts can connect us back to our innate goodness and in turn, connect us back to our good-feeling connection. Integrity and ood feelings for our self or another person is when we are in sync with our own true goodness. Gratitude, gentleness and appreciation for who we are and the ones we love is always just a thought away.